“You are no good as a speaker! All you do is talk about yourself!
You’re not that interesting!
The National Speakers Association (NSA) is the Chinese food of education – it fills you up for a while and leaves you hungry!
And CareerTrack (a training company) is worse than NSA – they sell Happy Sheets!
Toastmasters is worthless!
I change people’s lives. I’m a Professional Educator.”
– A Self-Proclaimed Professional Educator
This monologue took place on November 4, 1997. These words belong to a fake mentor and a false friend.
How do you deal with cruel criticism when the other person’s intention is not to help but hurt you?
I had met him a year earlier at a training sponsored by the Denver Chamber of Commerce.
He was an excellent speaker – on stage; a narcist – off stage.
I approached him after his presentation and asked how to start a career as a professional speaker. He told me to record myself in front of an audience and send him a copy of the VHS tape (Yes, videotape. In the 1990s, this was our form of streaming content. Google it.)
Warning: Just because someone gives you friendly advice does not make them a friend nor a mentor.
It took a year. But I took three steps:
-
Joined Toastmasters
Toastmasters International is the largest organization globally that improves people’s confidence – through leadership development and public speaking.
I was fortunate to join Cherry Creek Toastmasters of Denver.
At the time, they were the only club that recorded all of your presentations in front of an audience. I put ten speeches onto a VHS tape and mailed it (Yes, mailed. As in United States Postal Service with stamps. Not an email or upload. Wikipedia it.)
The first speech in the Toastmaster’s manual is called an
Ice Breaker. Here are the objectives:
- Overcome Nervousness
- Speak before an audience
- Talk about yourself so that the club members can learn about you.
The first video he saw was my Ice Breaker. The assignment was to talk about myself. He criticized Toastmasters and had no knowledge about how it worked.
-
Joined the National Speakers Association
Additionally, I had joined the Denver chapter of the National Speakers Association’s new aspiring speakers’ program.
-
Hired by a Training Company
Finally, I was hired by the nation’s largest training company, CareerTrack, as a full-time trainer.
Given that I did not know where to go or how to start, I felt I had made a lot of progress in one year toward my goal of becoming a professional speaker.
When I called, I was so excited!
When I hung up, I was spiritless!
This person described himself as a “professional educator.” I’m happy I never had him as a teacher in school. What lesson was he trying to teach?
I was stunned.
A few hours later, I called him back. And asked,
“What should I have done? Your only instructions were for me to record myself in front of an audience. You gave me no other guidance. I got involved with three speaking organizations. What else would you have me do? ”
The ‘professional educator’ was dumbstruck. Speechless!
“Critics are ceaseless at criticizing and speechless at solutions.”– Ed Tate
That day, I almost quit my pursuit as a professional speaker before my career began.
“Reckless words pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.“– Proverbs 12:18
Thankfully, I have real friends and mentors. I went to Pam Gordon. She is an award-winning school principal, teacher, and professional speaker. In other words, Pam is an actual certified professional educator.
She said, “This person has issues that have nothing to do with you. An experienced educator would never talk to any student that way!”
Then she said something profound:
“His job was to get you started. That’s all he was capable of doing. Your family, friends, and colleagues will keep the momentum going.”
With Pam’s encouragement and the help of the Colorado Chapter of the National Speakers Association, CareerTrack, and Cherry Creek Toastmasters, I became:
- Toastmasters World Champion of Public Speaking (Since 1934, only 80 people in history have won this annual competition of over 30,000 contestants.)
- Certified Speaking Professional (Only 12% of speakers worldwide have earned this designation.)
- A 20-Year Professional Speaker.
There are several lessons that I have learned on how to deal with cruel criticism.
- Cool off. Do not react or respond. Walk away. Regain your composure. Reset your emotional buttons.
- Change your physical state: Exercise. Run. Walk. Get some fresh air when your emotional buttons have pushed.
- Call your fans. Seek support. Call friends, family, colleagues. People who are members of your fan club.
- Do not take it personally. This is hard to do. However, when someone attacks you personally, it says far more about them than it ever does about you. Don’t take it personally.
- After the emotion has passed, confront your accuser.
- There is a difference between criticism and feedback. What’s the difference? The former can be destructive; the latter is helpful.
“When people show you who they are, believe them!”– Maya Angelou
I’d love to hear your feedback. Please share your thoughts and stories.
#empoweringothers #presentationskills #publicspeaking #usingstories #prsentationskillstraining #publicspeakingcoach #presentationcoaching
