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Those are the words of “Sarah”. She is in the middle of an I can’t rant – where a person is entirely focused on what you can’t do, rather than what they can.
Sound familiar?
Perhaps you or maybe a friend has had an I Can’t Rant.
I’m coaching her on a high-stakes presentation – that is, both the rewards and consequences are high. Her talk is being recorded at a television studio. Potentially, it will be seen by over 100,000 of her colleagues.
She’s nervous.
Ironically, “Sarah” is justified in having an I CAN Rant.
She is brilliant and accomplished:
- Ph.D. in psychology.
- Thriving therapy practice.
- Bestselling author!
- In her field, she’s the creator of a new treatment
- And her TEDx talk has over 1,000,000 views.
“Sarah” hired me to coach her for that TEDx talk – I told you she was brilliant!
And because of her success, many opportunities have come her way – including this presentation she is rehearsing.
I take you back to our coaching session.
“I can’t do this right. There’s not enough time!”
Suddenly “Sarah” stops and says,
“I need to tell myself a better story.”
No more, I can’t rants!
I was impressed with how this therapist taught herself to be tranquil.
At the end of our rehearsal, I asked,
“I loved that Jedi-mind trick (“These are not the droids you are looking for!”– Google it.) you used on yourself. Is that something they taught you in Shrink-School?”
She laughed.
“No, I did not learn this technique while earning my Ph.D. to become a psychotherapist.
I learned this mindset change from you!”
“What? “Sarah”, I don’t’ remember ever saying that. And If I had, it would be on Instagram!”
“Several years ago, when you were coaching me two days before my TEDx Talk, I was having an I Can’t Rant Meltdown:
“I can’t do this.
I can’t remember my presentation.
Therapists don’t do TED talks. (Yeah, they do! Lots of them!)
I can’t…I can’t…”
You gently interrupted me and said,
‘These stories you are telling yourself are hurting, not helping.
You need to tell yourself a better story.’
As a therapist, I recognized that if the roles were reversed, this is what I would say to a patient.
I’ll never forget what you said.
Since then, I have shared this phrase with patients, family, and friends. Thank you, Ed.”
“Thank you, “Sarah”, for telling me that story.”
If I told her – ‘You need to tell yourself a better story,’ where did I get this advice from?
Then, it came to me.
Years ago, when I was thinking about becoming a professional speaker, my go-to I-Can’t-Rant was, “I have a terrible memory.”
I’d say this because whenever I’d meet someone new, I’d forget their name within minutes.
Additionally, I was also comparing myself to my first wife, Cathy.
She speaks several languages and has total recall memory.
She could totally recall everything I’ve done wrong!
A speaker buddy of mine, Ed Oakley, overheard me say to myself, “I have a terrible memory.”
He said to me,
“If you want to become a professional speaker, having a good memory is a part of the job description.
The story you are telling yourself is hurting, not helping you. You need to tell yourself a better story.”
Since that day, I have never said, ‘I have a terrible memory,’ ever again.
The results have been remarkable.
I’m in my 21st year as a professional speaker, a Certified Speaking Professional (only 12% in the world have earned this designation), and I won the Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking (one out of 25,000+).
The point is this:
Never say anything about yourself that you don’t want to be true.
Have you or a friend ever had an I Can’t Rant?
You are saying to yourself, I can’t do ___________.
Is that story you are telling yourself helping or hurting you? Do you need to tell yourself a better story?
Let’s hear some of your (or a friend’s) I can’t rants.
Because of our NDA, names have been withheld. |
